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How Many Miles?

Try Athlete and Active Traveller

Author

Stephen Morrison

Commonwealth Games #Team14CyclingTriathlonTry-Athlete

Get On Your Bike For Team14

written by Stephen Morrison

It’s Bike Week and as a member of Team14 and as an Active Travel Champion and spokesman  (I do like a pun) for both Sustrans and Paths For All, I thought I’d take a break from running (albeit for only 24 hours) and wheel out my bike and my thoughts..

My decision to get back in the saddle was partly inspired by a recent trip to Copenhagen, where I ran a marathon (there are possibly Amazon tribes who still haven’t heard this). Not only do the Danes love running (1 in 3 run), but everywhere you look, people are going to work, school and even to evening parties on bikes.

It’s not surprising then that Copenhagen is probably the happiest and best place to live in the world. 

So while some people are complaining about lane and road closures in Glasgow during the Commonwealth Games, I am excited that this will be an Active Games. I make no secret that walking and then running to and from work were instrumental in transforming my life. I also discovered, to my surprise, that I didn’t melt in the rain. If we can continue improving our routes to the Games venues, we can encourage more to get to them by foot and bike. The challenge then will be to continue this progress and build on the great work by organisations such as the Bike Station who today, in partnership with Glasgow City Council, launched their Nextbike Hire Scheme. For the next three years residents and visitors to Glasgow can hire bikes, a la Boris style, to get about our wonderful city. 

Bike Station were also present at the Pollok Park Cycle Fair on Saturday, 14th June, and in addition to getting my bike security stamped by the Police, I took the opportunity to sample some other forms of cycling. They say two heads are better than one and surely four legs peddling is even better, but sitting behind, with no control felt just a little uneasy, even though I was in capable hands. Rather than cycling in tandem, I felt like a spare part, simply responding (usually belatedly) to instructions from my main steer. 

I needed to feel in control. So, launching myself and my bike off a ramp and onto a huge airbag made perfect sense. Even the warning sign and the attendant’s admission that yes, I could get hurt, only made me want to do it more. As I’ve grown fitter and stronger, I’ve also seemingly become invincible. I had the Men’s 10K the following day, but what could go wrong?  After a few minutes warming up I was adjudged to be confident and competent enough on the special stunt bikes to tackle the ramp. I readied myself and powered my way towards new heights of awesomeness. 

I’d like to report that I flew into the air, with birds scrambling out of my way, but in reality, I was reliable informed, I simply flopped over the side, with the now evident bruising (and earlier swelling) on my knees paying testimony to my ungainly landing. Unlike young Gregor Robb, from Hamilton, who seemed to hang in the air for an eternity before landing perfectly. My evaluation of my lack of elevation was simply that I was too big and heavy. Gravity does not lie. However, I was not to be beaten and buoyed by my new stunt rider status, I decided to test my cycling skills further. For in Pollok Park, where I spent much of my childhood, there is a new reason for me to head into the woods. 

The Glasgow Mountain Bike Centre has arguably been eclipsed by the Commonwealth Games site at Cathkin Braes, but for a newbie like me, it was an ideal location to get started. With Alpine Bikes on hand with a truly amazing full suspension bike and some tips, I convinced myself that I would be able to safely navigate the Blue Circuit which is:


“a first step into steep terrain, varied surfaces and a chance to get your wheels off the ground.The Blue route requires skill and concentration to get the best out of yourself and your bike.”

And yes, my wheels DID leave the ground. I narrowly avoided several trees and my heart was racing, not only from the the exertion of climbing the inclines, but from the exhilaration of the descents. It was brilliant fun and I can now understand why several of my friends regularly go mountain biking.

Bike Week lasts from 14th-22nd June with activities across the country, from organised group bike rides to bike surgeries, where you can give your bike some much needed tlc. 

 

Get On Your Bike For Team14 was last modified: August 13th, 2016 by Stephen Morrison
June 16, 2014 3 comments
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Commonwealth Games #Team14Try-Athlete

Game On #Team14

written by Stephen Morrison

When I first started this blog I never knew where it would lead me. I’ve become a Lay Adviser and blogger for the Faculty of Sport and Exercise Medicine and I now blog about all things running for Great Run. I get to provide regular content on physical activity for my pals at SpogoUK while I am also looking forward to supporting the British Obesity Society and the great new magazine Man V Fat. And I am finally a MARATHON RUNNER, having completed my first 26.2 miles (I lost count of how often I asked myself how many miles I had left) in Copenhagen I love guest blogging, but it’s time to resurrect “How Many Miles?”. It’s time to come home from my busman’s holiday. Home, for me, is Glasgow and this summer Glasgow will be home to athletes, officials and spectators from across the world as it hosts the 2014 Commonweath Games. As I’ve transformed, I’ve also watched my home city transform. Like my own journey, there have been hiccups. We’ve both had to knock down barriers and, at times, we both have had our detractors. There have been mistakes, but neither myself nor Glasgow have given up and come this summer we will both be looking better than ever. Like Glasgow, I have benefited from the tremendous support of those around me. The success of Glasgow 2014 will be dependent on its amazing army of volunteers as much as on the sporting prowess of its participants. I missed the deadline for Frontrunners last year and felt others were more deserving when I was nominated as a Baton Bearer. However, in March, there came along an opportunity to play my role at Glasgow 2014 and I am delighted to announce that I’ll be regularly bringing updates and adding my perspective (for what it’s worth) on the Games. For I have been invited to join #Team14. Glasgow 2014’s fourteen strong team of bloggers, each reporting on various categories linked to Glasgow and the Games.  www.adventuresaroundscotland.com will be posting about Glasgow/Scotland and Events while others like www.longstraightwalk.co.uk , http://glasgowdaybyday.com/ , http://www.glasgowmummy.blogspot.co.uk/ , http://www.eclecticcake.blogspot.co.uk/ , http://spoldham.blogspot.co.uk/ and www.paulamusttryharder.co.uk will be covering categories including the Baton Relay, News, Lifestyle and Photography. I’ll be covering Sports and Events with updates here and on Twitter at @howmanymiles_ Look out for #Team14 on all of our posts and I hope you will follow and enjoy my/our ramblings

Game On #Team14 was last modified: March 11th, 2018 by Stephen Morrison
June 7, 2014 0 comment
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HealthJourney

Healthy Homework

written by Stephen Morrison

We’ve seen the reports. The level of inactivity in our children is a ticking time bomb. Half of those aged seven don’t get enough exercise.

With two young boys in my life, I try to be a positive influence on their lives. I try to encourage them to switch off the TV and go do something more interesting instead.

So when they ask my how many miles we have walked,  if they can come race with me in the Great Scottish Run and if they can sign up to rugby, it fills my heart with pride. Even tonight the eldest stated his main goal at Cubs was to get his “Athletics” badge.

I like to think that I somehow inspire them; that they want to be a bit like me.

Being a “dad” is as new to me as not being fat and I make mistakes. But I’m enjoying it more than I ever thought and I so don’t want them to be obese (small mercy they don’t have my genes, because we all know obesity is in the genes) or unhappy.

I want them to have a good and healthy life. I want them to enjoy being active. I want them to see healthy eating as the norm and not a punishment.  They are already doing better than me as they love broccoli

And it seems I am not alone. Absolutely delighted to see them issued, at school, with a “Health AND Homework diary. It asks them to rate their daily key targets of eating healthily,  sleeping,  brushing teeth and being active.

If those aren’t enough, I think it is wonderful that they are encouraged to do something nice for someone each day. Promoting physical and emotional well-being.

Well done South Glasgow Primary Schools. Together, schools and parents/guardians can ensure healthier and more active lives for our kids.

 

Healthy Homework was last modified: August 13th, 2016 by Stephen Morrison
August 26, 2013 2 comments
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Journey

Scaling It Down

written by Stephen Morrison

For over two years now, I have been trying to lose weight. And I have been successful. I have lost lots of weight. Over 12 stone gone and well on the way to reaching my target weight. I have gone from a size xxxxl to size medium and I have embraced physical activity.

I should be delighted. And in many ways I am. I am fitter and happier than I have ever been.

However, in my pursuit of weight loss, I have developed an obsession. I have scales at home and it is a great set of scales. I love my scales. No, I really love my scales. There is not a day goes by that I don’t pay it a visit. Some days I even say hello more than once. I track my morning weight, my evening weight and even my post exercise and eating weights. I love analysing the fluctuating readings. I live to see the readings drop.

I hate my scales. Somedays I am heavier than the day before. Somedays I eat clean and exercise lots and the scales don’t even move. Somedays it even registers a 2 or 3 lb gain only to see it disappear two days later, but not before it has left me deflated. Rather than being a useful tool to monitor my progress, it has became the barometer of my state of mind and it dictates my behaviours (which are normally eat less and do more). I know this and still I cannot resist stepping onto it.

And, in my pursuit of weightloss, I have taken my eye off the prize. I hated and hate being fat. Despite being relatively fit, I still look in the mirror naked and see fat. When I am doing star jumps, push ups and and mountain climbers, I am painfully aware of the fat that hangs dripping from my body.  I want to lose this fat. So why do I measure my weight loss when in actual fact I should be measuring my fat loss? By focusing on weight loss, I am negelecting the need to maintain (and increase) lean tissue.

When I first started I weighed 354 lbs and had 185 lbs of fat and 169 lbs of lean tissue. Now, weighing in at 181 lbs I have 36 lbs of fat and 145 lbs of lean tissue.

In my pursuit of weightloss, I love potentially lost 24 lbs of fat burning lean tissue. This may seem a reasonable sacrifice as I am no longer having to carry and move a substantially heavier body, but this video below reminded me of the importance of focusing on the fat.

So, starting from today, I am am going to change my focus. My weight is no longer the metric that will dictate my life or be the measure of my success. From today, I am going to focus on fat loss and use  scales (and not even my scales) to measure my body fat percentage.

And from today, I am going to end my need to constantly weigh myself. I will weigh in once a week using the scales at Forward Fitness where my good friend Elle will also measure the centremetres lost, another better way of measuring progress than scales alone.

Scaling It Down was last modified: July 12th, 2014 by Stephen Morrison
August 21, 2013 3 comments
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Journey

Eat Till You Drop

written by Stephen Morrison

At my heaviest I ate a lot.  I ate a lot of the time and I ate a lot of the wrong stuff. Had I not seen “that” picture, there was a real danger that I would literally eat till I dropped. I loved eating that much that I once went to the toilet in a “Eat All You Want” pizza restaurant to make myself vomit.  I wasn’t anorexic,  I simply wanted to create more space in my stomach so I could eat all that I wanted to.

But all that has changed and if anything I now eat too little.
Too little!? Surely if I cut down on my food, I’ll simply lose fat more quickly?  That was how I used to think. Luckily I have many friends who are Personal Trainers, Nutritionists and Medics. While in addition to being a geek, I am also embarking upon my own fitness education journey with Faster who are not only supporting my continued training but also my professional development.
But not everyone has the circle of friends and mentors that I have.  Most are confused by the marketing of slimming companies, of food companies and even by health professionals and purveyors of multi level marketing products.
Eat less fat, eat more fat, eat no carbohydrates, eat only complex carbohydrates,  don’t eat fruit,  only eat fruit and a million other lose fat quickly diets and drinks that are usually based on eliminating certain food types, drinking expensive and heavily processed shakes and drinks or by reducing calories.
Now, there are those who say calories don’t matter. There are those that say ditch the scales. And guess what? Both are probably right.
But let’s be honest.  Every fat person who wants to lose weight counts calories and stands on a scale….often daily and throughout the day.
And every fat person thinks I ate too much and got big, so I’ll eat less and lose weight.  And I’ll eat a lot less and lose weight even quicker.
And we will. And probably quite a lot. At first. Eventually our bodies will respond to being starved by slowing down, by conserving energy. It’s a smart cookie ( sorry, shouldn’t mention cookies). And the weight loss will slow down and eventually stop.
I could bore you with all the science and research ( there’s lots of it), but we all know what we do next.
We reduce our calories further. And we start doing more cardio. My next post will focus on why that’s the second mistake most of us make, but for now let’s concentrate on the calories.
We reduce them and the scales start again moving in the right direction.  But and it’s a big but ( no puns please), the weight loss isn’t necessary fat loss. Our body (smart cookie, remember) is worried.  It’s went from having an abundance of lovely food to now being starved.  And it’s not sure how bad it’s going to get.  So it decides that it’ll keep the stored fat until it really needs it and starts looking for other sources of energy.  But we aren’t eating fat, carbs or anywhere near enough calories so the body starts breaking down lean body tissue…ie our muscles.  Rather than losing fat we are losing weight and our metabolism slows further. We find that we put on weight if we even eat a little more than normal.
So we cut calories again and do even more exercise.  It’s a vicious cycle and minds smarter than mine have written extensively on the dangers of metabolic damage.  Google it.
So, what should we do? What is the right way smarty pants, I hear you ask.
Well, I’d recommend that you calculate your Basal Metabolic Rate, which is  the amount of calories your body needs to simply survive.  General advice is that you then aim to eat about 500 kcals less. With some suggesting that obese people can reduce it by 10-30%

But here’s an idea. Rather than cutting calories why not try switching foods. Eat more veg (chips don’t count) and ditch your refined white bread and pasta for leafy green veg and rice.

But please don’t go down the route of very low calorie diets.  It’s a recipe ( always food) for disaster.  It’s so tempting to stop eating and to exercise more.  I know this because,  despite my knowledge, I am STILL guilty of it myself.
I know I should eat more. Especially as I now weight train.  But, I’ve conditioned myself to believe that eating food is bad. I’ve been dieting so long and lost so much that part of me resists my new found knowledge.  Thankfully I’m improving. Like many, I want to rid myself of the fat that limited my life and my happiness.  And I want to do it now.It took me 10 years to go from a normal weight to over 25st and I can’t expect to reverse that overnight. Better to adopt healthy eating that will sustain me and be sustainable.   Food is fuel for my body and it will not run smoothly on an empty tank.
Eat more and drop a dress size. Now that’s a diet that should sell.
Eat Till You Drop was last modified: July 6th, 2014 by Stephen Morrison
August 13, 2013 0 comment
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Uncategorized

Be Swifty and Shrifty

written by Stephen Morrison

As I have transformed from size XXXXL to a Medium, I haven’t been able to fund the replenishment of my wardrobe, every few months.  So, I did what all frugal minds (and Scots) would do.  I bought the stuff that other people could no longer fit into (and tax benefiting donations from shops).  Rather than Braehead Shopping Centre, I headed off to the British Heart Foundation and instead of Silverburn, it was Save the Children.

And you wouldn’t believe some of the gear that I have picked up.  Brand new (with labels) Tommy Hilfiger jeans and jacket for £8 each, Nike running jackets and Adidas sweat tops for less than the cost of a coffee and a £1,000 Bally gym bag to put it all in for £10.  Even now (in these days of austerity), I still pick up the odd bargain with Pilates rings, hiking poles and boxing gloves all now sitting in a cupboard just waiting for me to actually use them (I will use them, honest).

And it’s not just about getting, it’s giving too.  During my incredible shrinking man period, I have also donated my fair share of clothing, with my old 22 inch neck shirts now being used as emergency tents in impoverished countries.  Yesterday I handed in another 4 black bags full of old fat (and tat) clothes. So go through your old gear, pop down to your local charity shop and maybe pick up a bargain, while you are there.  At the British Heart Foundation shop, you can even get your heart racing with some of their training gear and equipment. 

I am also saving the planet, one foot at a time, while following the advice of the good people at NICE, who want to see more people using active travel on short journeys. In addition to getting back on my bike (recycling?), I now run to work most days.  Yes, it’s the same daily route, but there’s something satisfying in winning my daily game of “Race the Bus”. I often wonder if any of the passengers on the bus follow my daily battle and consider trying it themselves. Or possibly they are willing the bus to beat me.  Not only does it help keep me active, get me fit (help with my on-going  5×50Challenge) and saves me bus fare, but it also gets me to work earlier (and home sooner).  It gives me energy to face the day and is a nice way to wind down on the way home. And with my virtual racer on my Garmin watch, I also get to try and beat myself most days (and not just for eating that Mars bar).  As the weeks pass, I can feel myself getting stronger and slightly faster.  Climbing West Nile Street is not as tough and I am even, on the way home to Langside, running up the steps in Queens Park a la Rocky style (no, not ripped like Rocky, just wearing similar ripped second hand clothing).

On that that note, if, like me, you are also sporting some well-loved running gear and are a commuter by footer then you might be interested in Ashmei’s #RunCommute competition where you can win some of their amazing running gear (I never ever find their clothing in charity shops).   I have recently treated myself to a couple of tops (they were doing a BOGOF), hat and a sock for my right foot (get the left when next month’s pay check arrives). Despite the seemingly high cost, the stuff is beautiful and incredibly well crafted (hope that doesn’t get me barred from the Nike Glasgow Run Club….honest, I love my Nike gear, and bought most of it new).  

I am a guest speaker at the National Active Travel Conference in May, where I’ll be speaking about how I have been encouraging others to walk, run and cycle more (funnily enough), and if I can continue losing weight (11lbs since I started a few weeks ago) I might even treat myself to a nice new (and not just to me) Ashmei jacket.

And although running has been my main activity of late, I wouldn’t be a runner, if I wasn’t a walker first and one of the key events in my life was signing up for the Paths For All  Step Count Challenge which starts on Monday April 15th. It’s another £5 event, and I’ve managed to recruit 154 walkers with each of them getting a nifty wee Silva Pedometer.  I was honoured to be their National Step Count Champion last year and on top of everything else, I’m looking forward to leading my small army colleagues from work, again this year and retaining my Step Count Champion title. 

Be Swifty and Shrifty was last modified: August 17th, 2016 by Stephen Morrison
April 14, 2013 1 comment
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Not Gone, Just Not Here

written by Stephen Morrison

It’s been a while since I posted here.  For the past eight weeks, I have been away doing a weekly guest running blog for the Men’s Health Forum Scotland.   It’s been a great opportunity that I’ve really enjoyed and I have another six weeks left. 

But, as much as I am enjoying it, and as much as they don’t wield too much editorial control, I do miss having the freedom to write what I want, when I want and about more than just running…..although I DO like writing about running.  Who am I trying to kid?   And if I am honest, I will admit that I was not confident that I would be able to write on several fronts. 

However there have been a few developments in my life over the past few months and I think it is about time I returned home and shared here.  Some have been disappointing, some have been good and a couple have been pretty amazing.  All have contributed to the crossroads I now stand at and I have had to make a few decisions along the way.  Not all have been easy.

I haven’t quite found how many miles I can run or how far I can go, but I have discovered that sometimes you have to cover old tracks to discover a new road and that our paths aren’t always mapped out for us.  I have always prided myself on my ability to adapt to change, to think positively and to see opportunities in adversity.

I also believe strongly in fortune favouring the brave while a smile and a kind word can go a long way. The next few months will test my beliefs and will lay the foundation for my future.  A future that looks a million miles from any I could have envisaged two years ago.   A future with endless possibilities and opportunities that I am grateful to have been given. 

I hope, wherever those opportunities take me, that you’ll continue to follow my journey.


Not Gone, Just Not Here was last modified: July 4th, 2014 by Stephen Morrison
April 14, 2013 0 comment
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IF, no Butts

written by Stephen Morrison
Feels like I’m starting afresh….mainly because I am.  I went a little crazy the other week to see just how much I could lose in a week. It was a challenge I was doing with a personal training buddy and I was keen to prove his techniques worked as we look to deliver something new to the scene.

I ran most days, was doing hundreds of weighted squats and kettlebell swings and ate more cleanly than I have in a long time.  I had great support and a clear plan. After a week the results on the scale were an impressive 10lbs lost.  It’s amazing the results you can achieve in a short period with the right approach and the right people.  However, I didn’t apply the right approach and felt the effects in other ways that I should have expected; that I should have prevented and that I should have not let happen.  But hey, it isn’t the first time my unhealthy obsession has cost me and I’m sure I’m not alone. 

Two many people commented that I looked awful. I looked fatigued and had lost my sparkle. Pilates was awful with cramps and tiredness affecting my routine. I was drained and struggling to continue. And not just with Pilates. My running was becoming sluggish and I was stalling.  If I’m honest, I’ll admit I wasn’t eating enough. I practise Intermittent Fasting (and have done for past two years) and didn’t follow the prescribed nutritional plan that had been carefully laid out for me.  As always, I was rushing to maximise results and ended up losing my focus.  Intermittent Fasting is a flexible approach to weight loss, but it is also a scientific one. I had lost sight of that.  Just like so many that have recently altered it’s principle’s to make it easier to follow, for some.

So, it came as no surprise when I stumbled and fell. Not for the first time, in the past year, but hopefully for the last time.  I need to remember that eating clean and being regularly active is a full time gig. It’s not something I can do intermittently and not something that I should be doing to get fast results.  It’s lunacy to do something repeatedly that doesn’t work and my “week on, week off” approach was’t working.  Not that this was my intention.  I just went so hard in week one that invariably in week two, I would struggle to sustain.  

A wee weekend surprise trip to Amsterdam (thanks to my amazing girlfriend) has helped recharge my batteries ( I even managed a sub zero temperature run along the canals) but I have to find a way to deal with an issue that just won’t go away.


I have an eating problem.  I eat when happy, I eat when sad.  I ate when I am bored. Too often my eating is a response to an emotional trigger.  Despite my success, despite my posts and my experiences, there are times when my subconscious takes over and despite hating myself and telling myself that I will resist, I am drawn towards the confectionery area of the shops, where I lose control and go on a supermarket sweep.  Fasting helps me curtail these binges, but recently it hasn’t been preventing them.  I have peaks and lows.  When I’m focused, nothing stops me, but lately, I’ve been too easily distracted.  Lately I’ve been pushing my self too hard and following that up with putting myself down, too much.

I was in a major UK Sunday newspaper yesterday and I recognised that I HAVE regressed a little.  Ok, I look a million times better than my “Before” picture and It would be crazy to feel anything other than pride, but if I’m honest, it’s not where I want to be……or need to be, given my Challenges for this year (next post). 

Once again a picture has hopefully kick started my efforts and will launch me in the same direction but with a new mindset and a greater appreciation of my limitations, but also of my strengths.

By knowing what my shortcomings are, I intend to make a plan. Like when I first started, I will be accountable and have set goals and weekly activities. I will also stop kidding myself on and stop projecting the image that nothing phases or bothers me. I am human and I make mistakes. A lot of mistakes, if I’m honest. Trying to run 5K to work, do a day’s work before running 5K home before eating the first meal in 24hrs doesn’t work and only leads me to binging later. So why keep doing it?

Instead I’ll now prepare my meals and fasting days around my training sessions, that I’ll take time to organise.  I can still run in the morning, but will probably have a meal prior to the run home and something within 30 mins after.  I’ll prioritise my work and focus on completing the features and projects on the horizon that have been putting my time management skills to the test and causing me stress that also usually leads to binge eating (a lethal combination).  And I’ll make sure I factor in time for me; time for those I love and time for exercising the mind as well as the heart and muscles.  Without a clear mind, a clean diet and exercise routine will invariably fail. 

A wee week’s fall from Grace will only derail me, if I allow it.  And I won’t allow that!   Time to get my butt back on track, and back to a place where I can find , create and participate in amazing challenges. But, more of that later. 

IF, no Butts was last modified: July 4th, 2014 by Stephen Morrison
January 21, 2013 2 comments
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All The Bad Things…

written by Stephen Morrison

Although I will no doubt, at some point  this week, look back on my highlights of the year and in many ways it was an amazing year (any year that we and the ones we love experience good health, is, I suppose a good one),  I firstly wanted to reflect on something else; on something maybe a little different from many of the other end of year blogs and on something that might just reveal (maybe a little too revealing) a few things about me, that might just resonate with a few of you and hopefully, if anyone recognises similar “things”, might make you take action now.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I’ve accumulated some extra baggage these past few weeks and I’m determined not to let a slip derail me.  So it got me thinking.

What are the things I don’t miss?  What are the things that the old Stephen hated and what are things that I never ever want to see, feel or experience again?  What are the Bad Things about being not just obese, but morbidly obese?

This year, I intend on experiencing many new things but first let’s look at some of the old things I that I’ve thankfully put behind me.  They’re not in any order other than when I think of them (this blog maybe isn’t as polished as most, as I just write what I’m thinking).

  1. Candida- I’m nothing, if not honest and apologies to those that I’m possibly about to disgust, but I believe in warts and all.  This is one weight related complaint that I’m happy to be rid of. The smell, the rash and the moisture that it caused under the folds of my skin weren’t the most attractive and were one of many things that made me constantly self aware.
  2. Plantar Fasciitis- Every morning, makng those first few steps was agonising.  I would struggle to make it to the toilet and on many occassion had to reach out to the wall for support.
  3. Sitting Down to do the Toilet– Well it does lead on from the previous.  The folds of my belly (ies) made the traditional means of urinating impossible and I had to sit down, taking extra care to direct my stream.  This is maybe a little too honest, but I more than once had accidents caused by the fat around my mid section.
  4. Intimacy– Not only was it physically difficult to make love, with a sore back, poor stamina and breathlessness, but my obesity severely affected my ability to attain and maintain an erection (hell, I’m even surprising myself with the openness of this revelation, but then again, it’s basic science).  I was also never comfortable being naked. I thought that my form would disgust my wife, just as it disgusted myself.  Even now, I’m still not 100% comfortable with how I look naked, but then, who does? Even cuddles were impractical as I could never hold someone close or hold them tight.
  5. Self Loathing– Despite telling others I was fine, despite puting a smile on for the camera and despite being the first to self depricate, I hated what I had become.  I often felt hopeless and useless. I hated myself for being unable to change; for being unable to restrict my eating and for being unable to control my cravings.
  6. Cravings– One biscuit, sweet or chunk of chocolate was never and will never be enough for me.  In the bad old days, I’d eat some junk only to go hunting for more….lots more!  And I was like a bloodhound.  I could locate the stashes of sweets that my wife felt compelled to hide from me. And once those stashes were exhausted I would then eat the stuff that initially I had ignored for tastier items.  I was like a shark, frenzied by blood.  I make no bones about using the animal references as my behaviour was that of a wild animal.  Be it leptins or plain greed, I was never satisfied and once made myself sick so that I could eat more.  Now, that’s what I call an eating disorder!
  7. My Mum’s Tears– This one is maybe cheating, as she has only recently revealed this to me.  But my mum used to cry herself to sleep worrying about my weight; worrying about how her son was likely to enter an early grave and how she would have to bury him.  Just knowng, that I’ve taken just one weight (pardon the pun) off my mum’s shoulders is ammunition enough to keep me rightous.
  8. My Own Tears– I’m not afraid to admit it.  I cried.  Maybe it was the increased estrogen in my moobs ( I’d like to say that I’m well shot of these too, but still got a bit to go), or the fact that I’m a sensitive guy, but I was never blind to my obesity and would regulary share a tear when I was…
  9. Feeling that Everyone was Laughing at Me– Some argue that obesity is becoming socially acceptable…not in my world.  Everytime I struggled to get on and off the bus ( I used to stand at the front, regardless of whether there were seats); everytime I entered a clothes shop and looked in desperation for size xxxxl jeans and shirts (soon all I wore was baggy, loose fitting sweat pants and jerseys…..not ironic, just really sad); everytime my belt snapped or trousers ripped with the pressure; everytime I had to explain my job role was a “Lean Practitioner” (like Six Sigma); everytime I took off my winter jacket, only to realise that I had soaked my shirt in perspiration: everytime kids said; “Mummy, look at that fat man” and everytime I ordered a Diet Coke and two Quarterpounders I worried that people were just about to burst out laughing. And sometimes my fears were warranted, Because, laugh they did.
  10. Isolation– Ok, this one was partly self imposed but it was still mainly (I’m still quite shy) weight related.  I didn’t go out. I didn’t attend work parties.  I stopped playing badminton and football. I didn’t want to be seen in public and eventually I didn’t even attend my my parents in law’s Sunday dinner. I’m still not exactly a social butterfly, but I’m no longer housebound.
  11. Fatism-People are Fattist. FACT. And let’s ne honest, can we blame them?  How stupid must I have been not to recognise and act on my obesity?  How greedy must I have been to get so large and how lazy must have I been?  Everytime I applied for a job, only to see someone less talented get selected; everytime I made a valid point in a meeting or everytime I saw somone looking at me disdainfully I felt judged on how I looked rather than who I was.  Even now, it pains me to see how fat people are portrayed and treated. But, at least now, I’m not victim to it.

I could go on and might some day revisit this list (with maybe some more light hearted “things”) but this has been quite emotionally draining and as cathartic as it’s been, it’s all a bit dark. Prior to this blog my earlier writing was lighter, funnier and easier to read.  Let me know what you think and in 2013 I might try to make you smile a bit more.

All The Bad Things… was last modified: August 13th, 2016 by Stephen Morrison
January 2, 2013 8 comments
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Carlsberg Don’t Do Slip Ups, But If They Did….

written by Stephen Morrison

I’m probably (most definitely) not alone.  It’s probably not unexpected and in the grand scheme of things it probably isn’t the end of the world, but I probably shouldn’t have so confidently proclaimed to the world, in Movember, that I would shed 20 lbs before the end of 2012.

I almost got there.  Up until last week that was, up until I ditched my daily runs, my healthy eating and every ounce of self respect I had.  Despite vowing not to let the festive period derail me, I didn’t even get that far.

You have probably guessed by my rant, that I slipped…big time.  I’ve slipped before. I’ve slipped many times before. But I’ve always picked myself up, I’ve always managed to prevent any long lasting damage and I’ve always appreciated that it happens.

I’m aiming for a six pack, but currently sporting more of a keg

But 12 lbs in two weeks is my greatest EVER gain (post transformation) and I was seriously in danger of undoing months of work. Chances are, given my normal slow carbohydrates intake, that a fair percentage of this is water but it still both deflates and inflates me. I’ve lost the same 10 lbs about 4 times in the past 6 months.  For, you see, it’s time for a bit of honesty.  To myself and to anyone who follows my posts.

I’m currently at the same weight as I was this time LAST year. Although I’m running further and a little faster (and easier) my body shape and weight hasn’t progressed. I’ve probably improved my endurance and I’ve possibly increased my leg muscles, but upper body strength and fitness have probably not improved much.

I could probably so easily say that 2012 has been a waste, that my fluctuating weight and lack of progress has derailed my goals, my ambition and my life.

But that’s probably a little unfair. 2012 has seen me complete my first 10km, my first triathlon, my first Half marathon, my first Tough Mudder and my first Spartan Beast.  It’s been a year of firsts. But first and foremost, it’s also the year that I fell in love again.  While my heart rate probably hasn’t improved much, my heart is beating strong.  Yes, I’ve eaten too many refined sugars, but it’s been croissants in Paris, churros in Madrid, fudge in Edinburgh and scones in the Lake District with my lovely girlfriend, who loves me for who I am. My life is richer, happier and better.  So, while I am disappointed in my weight, I am probably…no scratch that… I’m definitely the happiest I’ve ever been.  You can’t always measure your life by the scale. Some aspects carry more weight (pardon, the pun) than others. But with a few Challenges ahead I need to address my free fall and get back on track. No point in waiting for January 1st.

So, here is the truth.  My name is Stephen and I’m a sugar addict.  Today is the first day, in a while, that I’ve went sugar free. It is going to be the first of many.

Carlsberg Don’t Do Slip Ups, But If They Did…. was last modified: July 4th, 2014 by Stephen Morrison
December 28, 2012 2 comments
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Once 354lbs, I now use physical activity to add years to my life and life to my years

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