Day 2, in my quest not to be mistaken for Santa Claus this year, was nothing to write home about and it was certainly nothing to write a blog post about.
I exceeded the recommended daily number of steps (10,000).
Yarr…. I don’t know what I’m doing!
No, it isn’t Talk Like a Pirate Day, but instead it is Stephen’s first day at the gym and like Captain Horatio McAllister, in The Simpsons, I really don’t know what I am doing!
The day started well. I had breakfast (which is something that I too often miss) and I managed to resist the vending machine in my work. And when I say resist, it didn’t even cross my mind and that, on its own, warrants a wee fist pump.
Even walking past endless rows of sweet laden desks didn’t bring out the sweetie monster in me.
By 2.00pm, I was feeling hungry and prior to hitting the gym, I stopped off at my local sandwich shop and had a chicken panini. Not the best choice, but not the worst either and a lesson learned. Although I do not have a lunch break (I work part-time) I will bring food with me. Especially as it is my intention to head straight to the gym.
Which I did today and which did not go quite to plan.
I walked in and although I had spent time in it before with Teresa, I felt like a nervous child entering high school for the first time. I felt alone and I was not sure of my surroundings. I did not know where to go first and even as I entered the changing rooms, I felt like I was trespassing and the onset of a headache (more of that in a moment) did nothing to settle my nerves.
For the past four years I have ran and although I have tried many sports, I have never felt comfortable in a gym. Lack of knowledge, confidence and experience. Hopefully all three will improve as I keep going and as I enlist the help of my Personal Trainer friend Spencer Peek, who works in Pure Gym.
Hiring a PT to guide me in the first few weeks seems like the most sensible approach. I will learn what machines and weights to use and I will have a planned workout for each visit.
But, back to today. My headache became worse and I decided to just do some light cardio. I spent 30 minutes cycling and 20 minutes walking. I tried to run, but my heart was not in it and my headache was not allowing it. For a brief second I lost focus and I nearly slid off the back of the treadmill. Luckily I came to my senses and recovered before suffering any further embarrassment.
Not the best first visit to the gym, but it will not deter me and I will find a way to enjoy it.
Tonight’s dinner was a red Thai curry and I resisted crisps and sweets. I should be going to bed reasonably happy and reasonably early (for a change). However, I am a numbers man and today’s measurements reinforced my need to alter my lifestyle. Yet, again.
As expected my weight, BMI and body fat percentage were as high as they have been in four years. At 234lbs and a Body Fat Percentage of 34%, I have a long way to go.
Also worrying is my blood pressure. At 133 over 90 it is on the high side and I will need to monitor this. The only relatively encouraging measurement was my resting heart rate . At 45 beats per minute, it gives me hope that if I can reduce my blood pressure and weight, I should have a healthy heart and potentially a longer and more active life.
Tomorrow is Day 2 and my goal is to add some more fruit and vegetables to my diet.
Is not to be worse than I am right now
Christmas tis the season to be jolly and to overindulge in a festive feeding frenzy. Normally, having spent the year running and training hard, I would accept this and enjoy a few weeks not worrying about the macronutritional content of mince pies and shortbread, but this year is different.
Having put on 40lbs this year, I do not want to exceed that. Since losing all my weight in 2011, I have yo-yo’d a little, putting on a few pounds in the Winter and quickly losing it come Spring.
However, I have never before gained this much and if you have read my previous blog, you will appreciate that my greatest fear is returning to a life less active.
So, I have decided not to wait for a New Year resolution. I am resolved not to gain any more pounds (of fat).
Instead, I will use the rest of December to prepare me for the year ahead. That does not mean that I will procrastinate over plans or spend a small fortune on new training kit (ok, I might still manage the latter). Instead, it means that I will use the next few weeks to devise and implement my new training regime.
It will consist of resistance training at Pure Gym, Shawlands; yoga at Bikram Yoga Southside and my daily active commutes to and from work.
Moreover, It will all revolve around a more structured and consistently adhered to diet. Although I will be using Weight Watchers to record my progress, receive and give support and earn Vitality points, I will not follow a diet plan
I will cut down on my intake of crisps, biscuits, bread, cheese, gums and chocolate. Basically, all the things that I love.
And, when I say cut down, I mean eliminate them from my diet. I am not a fan of any diet that eliminates any type of food, but the simple truth is that I eat far too much of the above and, unfortunately, I cannot currently trust myself to moderate my consumption.
One bite is never quite enough.
I am also going to try and improve my culinary skills, as one of the reasons that I eat too many ready meals and too much toast is that I cannot ready a meal, such as a roast.
So tonight, I have taken my measurements and taken stock of the journey ahead. The next few weeks will not reverse the damage done but they will put me back on the right path.
Three years on and I still do not know how many miles I have to travel, but I do know that it is #timeforme and time to just do it!
“Last Christmas, I lost all my weight and the very next year, I gained it all back” will not be a recurring theme.
Tomorrow, I’ll post my starting measurements and update you on Day 1. As always, your support and encouragemnt is much appreciated.
Everyone loves reading weight loss success stories.
We admire and appreciate the determination, dedication and discipline required to lose over 100 lbs.
My own story graced many publications, including this Daily Record feature. In it, I spoke of a fear that haunts me. A fear that I cannot shake and cannot stop thinking about.
That one day I will wake up and I will once again be 354lbs
It would not happen overnight, but my weight would creep up and up and I would contribute to a horrifying weight loss statistic. That only 12-14 percent of those losing over 100lbs maintain that loss.
That is right. Around 85% of the success stories you read about end up with the person regaining most, if not all, of their lost weight.
At this point you would be excused for wondering why, having left behind a depressing past, would anyone allow themselves to regain those lost pounds and reclaim those xl clothes.
Why would someone give up on their future by allowing their past to catch up with them? The answer often lies in the past.
The reason I reached the despairing depths (as opposed to dizzy heights) of morbid obesity was my unhealthy relationship with food and my even unhealthier opinion of myself.
I believed that I was worthless and in addition to excess pounds of fat, I carried too much extra baggage. I was weighed down by self doubt and by deeply buried memories of my childhood. Compared to others, my early life was not that hard and it did not lack love, but it did have an over abundance of fear and the occasional bloody nose and bruised body. I have received some counselling and I have realised that being beaten occasionally has led to a self destructing relationship with food and a downward spiral which saw me eat more, weigh more and hate myself more.
Recently, I have felt undervalued and I have struggled with events outwith my control and some problems that will not go away (especially if I do not meet them head on). I have been beating myself up and I have noticed that I have been medicating with food and mindlessly eating. As I sit here typing, my mind drifts to the the packet of French Fries crisps calling my name from the kitchen cupboard and I believe that I need and want to eat.
And then, I remember that French Fries do not talk and I am not even remotely hungry. I have adopted the habit of having a wee snack (or two or three) late at night while I blog, plan physical activity initiatives (oh, the irony) or watch non-Disney television. It is just a habit. Just like my other habit of having a wee slice (or two or three) of toast to eat when I come home from work. Just like the habit of getting the bus to work when I have been walking to and from work for the past ten months.
I have tried to lead what I think is a normal lifestyle with normal treats and I have forgotten the origin of this blog’s name.
It is not related to running. It refers to my journey. It will never end. Like so many others, I can never slow down and I certainly cannot go into reverse. Every day is a battle, but as a friend just reminded me, every day is an opportunity to be start afresh and to improve on the day before
I will make loving myself my new habit
I refuse to be a statistic. Do you?
Now that fat is no longer the bogeyman, we have a new villain carrying the can (pun intended) as the main cause of obesity.
Step up sugar and soda drinks. They join bacon on the list of things we love that seemingly hate us and our bodies.
As someone who has lost 12 stone and who is a Jamie Oliver Food Revolution Ambassador, I applaud Jamie’s efforts to highlight the sugar content in many soft drinks. I think we can all agree that many of us drink too much soda and our waistlines and gum lines are paying the price. A reduction in sugar consumption has shown to improve insulin sensitivity and reduce blood sugar levels and fat in the liver. I cut my sugar drastically and now look younger, have better skin, lowerered my blood sugar and even cured myself of sleep apnoea. Of course, I also cut my calories and lost lots of weight, which might also have contributed to my healthier look. It’s never one thing, as my friend Rannoch will often say.
The idea of introducing a sugar tax and displaying more clearly the sugar content on foods is not a new one and it has been successful in other countries; notably Mexico which saw a 6-12% reduction in soft drink purchasing over two years and up to 17% reduction in lower income households. Some research suggests some simply purchased cheaper brands, but the impact on the soft drink industry in Mexico is real.
Taxation can work. A 20% sugar tax could generate £1 billion each year. Money that our NHS and partners could use to fund health initiatives. Money that could be spent on saving lives and educating future generations.
We constantly read about how much the obese cost the NHS with greater need for larger beds, larger machines and increased treatments. This tax could help to address this burgeoning bill while possibly helping us to trim our waistlines.
What’s not to like about taxing sugar?
Well, for a start, it IS a regressive tax. Sugar consumption is greater in poorer communities and obesity is more prevalent in poorer communities. We already heavily tax people’s smoking and drinking habits and simply taxing another unhealthy product shouldn’t be much different. Yet, we are seeing a backlash. People are reading every day that something new is killing them, that something that was killing them is now good for them. They are confused and they feel that they are being told what they can and cannot do and what they can and cannot consume. This is fuelling apathy and mistrust.
Yes, we can shake our heads and our fingers and suggest that they accept some personal responsibility, but I cite my FSEM Lay View that suggests that we need to win both hearts and minds.
Before we rush to demonize sugar, it does have some benefits. Ask any runner how much they love Jelly Babies and sugar has proven to reduce cortisol levels caused by stress. It is never one thing.
We should look beyond the proposed sugar tax and look at the other (less controversial…to consumers, at least) proposals that Public Health England support and call for. Proposals that need to be considered before a sugar tax is implemented.
- Reducing portion sizes. Am I the only person who buys family sized bags of sweets with the intention of making them last and then races to the bottom of the pack? We could, of course, show some self constraint, but many of us that are obese have a destructive relationship with food. Urging us to eat less does little to reduce our urges to eat more. Increasing a litre of Coke by 20 pence will not necessarily prevent people from still buying it.
- More regulation of how high sugar goods are marketed, especially to children. For me, cereal manufacturers are almost criminal in their pursuit of young consumers. The shapes, flavours and marketing of breakfast cereals entice children and too many parents associate a bowl of cereal as a greeeeeaaaat way to start the day, not knowing that often a third of the bowl is sugar.
- Further controls over how high-sugar foods are displayed in stores. In my local Tesco (naming and shaming, but not alone), the end of every aisle has high-sugar foods on promotion. These goods a
re heavily discounted to the extent that it is often not much more expensive to buy four of five bars than one. Again, we could criticise people and parents, but does that actually achieve anything? Instead, let’s encourage better promotion of healthier options and motivate and inspire people to make healthier purchases.
Sugar isn’t just found in huge quantities in soft drinks and sweets. It’s hidden everywhere. Ready meals that are so convenient often have up to 40 grams of sugar in each pack; barbecue sauce has as much sugar as a glazed doughnut and often fat free translates to extra sugar. Manufacturers want their foods to both taste better and be preserved for longer. Sugar achieves this.
If we are to reduce the amount of sugar to the recommended level of 5-10% of our daily calorific intake, we need to encourage and enable people to cook simple and wholesome meals. If we are to tax sugar, use some of the proceeds to create nationwide cooking campaigns that bring children and parents together and make learning to cook fun. We need to address the myth that eating healthy is more expensive and we need to look at how our food manufacturers and retailers produce, promote and price food.
The largely ineffective Responsibility Deal provided little incentive to businesses to fulfil their pledges and it has been argued that many of its successes would have happened without it. We cannot rely on food manufacturers to think of anything but their shareholders and, as such, they need to be regulated and given incentives (or penalties for non-compliance) to reduce sugar levels in food.
And finally, let’s move more. Being active doesn’t give you a free ride (well, unless you are cycling) but it can allow you to have a little of the things that we enjoy. Remember, it is never one thing.
Recently I haven’t been eating clean. I haven’t been training well. I haven’t been sleeping well and I have struggled to get out of bed, to enjoy any of the activities that normally make me smile or to even shave (currently sporting a poor excuse of a beard).
It hasn’t gone unnoticed at home, where I am more irritable, more grumpy and eating more than I should be. Even as I write this!
I’ve had a bout of sickness and a wee dose of the cold, but the truth is I recognise these symptoms. I have experienced them before. When I was morbidly obese.
Then, as now, I was suffering from depression. There, I said it.
If you read this blog or follow my tweets or Facebook updates, you will maybe question how I can dare to say that I am depressed. I have a wonderful partner, two smashing boys, an amazing mum and the opportunity to do so many things. I even ask myself what right I have to feel depressed. But, I know I am.
On Facebook and twitter and among friends I have been trying my best to pretend that I am ok, but I’ve probably been dropping hints. I’ve slept in for PT sessions, I’ve struggled to write and complete tasks and I have been (over) reacting to too many posts on obesity by fitness professionals who are anything but professional in their opinion of the obese (but that is another blog).
Ask me what is making me depressed and I might struggle to pinpoint it. Like most people I have regrets, fears and I have stuff going on in my life that I wish wasn’t. I’ve lost friends and seem to be losing my way. As I continue to eat, I think of the Biggest Loser contestants who regained their weight and my old fear, that I too will again become obese, resurfaces. I have began to doubt myself and as my doubts increase, my eating and my weight increases. Self medication and self sabotaging.
It is a vicious cycle and one I must turn around.
I am not wanting medication and I am not wanting sympathy. Writing this and speaking to my girlfriend has been cathartic, even if some may judge me. But it hasn’t rid me of the dark clouds that hang over me. I guess, like the Black Dog in the video below, I will never be free of them, but I can try and prevent them from clouding my judgement or from preventing me from realising my dreams.
I can find new activities to keep my try athlete life alive and I can clean out my life. I have made a clean break from some people who made me feel low and I need to focus on my goals and on the people who I value and who value me. I can stop seeing and talking about myself as fat.
More importantly, I will use the poly pill of physical activity to make me feel better about life and about myself. Exercise works and it worked for me when I was morbidly obese. Hopefully, it will work again and if needed, I will reach out to professionals.
After 4 weeks of Personal Training with Scott Devenney PT and Christine Docherty , weekly classes of Zumba, Metafit and Kettlercise with Southside Metafit and Kettlebells, some active travel, more sleep and healthier food choices, I am starting to see results.
The scales say I have lost 11lbs but this is only half the story.
What encourages me even more is seeing that my arms and legs are in fact bigger (arms are an inch bigger) and my body fat has dropped by over 6% according to my body fat scales. More telling and more pleasing is that, according to my girfriend, I am developing nice hard bumps across my entire body. My jeans and tops are fitting me (again) and I’ve lost inches off my chest, waist and hips. I have more energy and and more determination to continue. I feel less self conscious, more confident and happy again.
When I was piling on the pounds and not running, not training and overeating, I feared that I was going to be yet another example of huge weight loss followed by huge weight gain.
I had lost my enthusiasm, my spark and my awesomeness (don’t worry, that’s back). I saw no way of climbing out of my spiralling descent back into inactivity and felt like a fraud as I wrote blogs for Spogo and National Fitness Day.
If you are wondering what the secret to my recent success has been, to me getting more active again and putting away the cake, it was the same things that trigger and motivate most successful behavioural changes.
I identified goals (Oz in Dec and Paris Marathon in April) that I wanted to be fit for. I joined several weight loss group (Man V Fat, a FaceBook group and Weigh in at Work) to give me accountability and a little competition.
However, more importantly I was encouraged, supported and joined in my efforts, by my girlfriend, Teresa.
On nights when I’d have happily sat on the couch, she urged me to get up and join her at her local classes, where I might of been one of only two men, but where I was made to feel welcome.
We cannot underestimate the importance of a nurturing environment and supportive social interaction.
Teresa and I train together and we have fun together. We use My Fitness Pal together, we run together at Great Run Local and we compare results together (Teresa’s competitiveness is frightening). Together, we are an awesome team.
Teresa is too modest, but she is experiencing similar results and if anything is looking even better than I am (although she always has, obviously).
The changes we have made aren’t ground breaking. We’ve cut down on snacking, are reducing our portion sizes and are trying to make better choices, more often. We are doing activities we enjoy (more about them later) and trying to be more active, throughout the day.
There are no magic pills, juices or shakes. No shortcuts and no quick fixes.
It’s unlikely that I’ll have a six pack in 9 weeks (regardless of what certain men’s magazines promise) but I will feel more comfortable in shorts and in the water.
The prospect of “Taps Aff” won’t also fill me with dread.
We’ve seen the reports. The level of inactivity in our children is a ticking time bomb. Half of those aged seven don’t get enough exercise.
With two young boys in my life, I try to be a positive influence on their lives. I try to encourage them to switch off the TV and go do something more interesting instead.
So when they ask my how many miles we have walked, if they can come race with me in the Great Scottish Run and if they can sign up to rugby, it fills my heart with pride. Even tonight the eldest stated his main goal at Cubs was to get his “Athletics” badge.
I like to think that I somehow inspire them; that they want to be a bit like me.
Being a “dad” is as new to me as not being fat and I make mistakes. But I’m enjoying it more than I ever thought and I so don’t want them to be obese (small mercy they don’t have my genes, because we all know obesity is in the genes) or unhappy.
I want them to have a good and healthy life. I want them to enjoy being active. I want them to see healthy eating as the norm and not a punishment. They are already doing better than me as they love broccoli
And it seems I am not alone. Absolutely delighted to see them issued, at school, with a “Health AND Homework diary. It asks them to rate their daily key targets of eating healthily, sleeping, brushing teeth and being active.
If those aren’t enough, I think it is wonderful that they are encouraged to do something nice for someone each day. Promoting physical and emotional well-being.
Well done South Glasgow Primary Schools. Together, schools and parents/guardians can ensure healthier and more active lives for our kids.
Although I will no doubt, at some point this week, look back on my highlights of the year and in many ways it was an amazing year (any year that we and the ones we love experience good health, is, I suppose a good one), I firstly wanted to reflect on something else; on something maybe a little different from many of the other end of year blogs and on something that might just reveal (maybe a little too revealing) a few things about me, that might just resonate with a few of you and hopefully, if anyone recognises similar “things”, might make you take action now.
As I mentioned in my earlier post, I’ve accumulated some extra baggage these past few weeks and I’m determined not to let a slip derail me. So it got me thinking.
What are the things I don’t miss? What are the things that the old Stephen hated and what are things that I never ever want to see, feel or experience again? What are the Bad Things about being not just obese, but morbidly obese?
This year, I intend on experiencing many new things but first let’s look at some of the old things I that I’ve thankfully put behind me. They’re not in any order other than when I think of them (this blog maybe isn’t as polished as most, as I just write what I’m thinking).
- Candida- I’m nothing, if not honest and apologies to those that I’m possibly about to disgust, but I believe in warts and all. This is one weight related complaint that I’m happy to be rid of. The smell, the rash and the moisture that it caused under the folds of my skin weren’t the most attractive and were one of many things that made me constantly self aware.
- Plantar Fasciitis- Every morning, makng those first few steps was agonising. I would struggle to make it to the toilet and on many occassion had to reach out to the wall for support.
- Sitting Down to do the Toilet– Well it does lead on from the previous. The folds of my belly (ies) made the traditional means of urinating impossible and I had to sit down, taking extra care to direct my stream. This is maybe a little too honest, but I more than once had accidents caused by the fat around my mid section.
- Intimacy– Not only was it physically difficult to make love, with a sore back, poor stamina and breathlessness, but my obesity severely affected my ability to attain and maintain an erection (hell, I’m even surprising myself with the openness of this revelation, but then again, it’s basic science). I was also never comfortable being naked. I thought that my form would disgust my wife, just as it disgusted myself. Even now, I’m still not 100% comfortable with how I look naked, but then, who does? Even cuddles were impractical as I could never hold someone close or hold them tight.
- Self Loathing– Despite telling others I was fine, despite puting a smile on for the camera and despite being the first to self depricate, I hated what I had become. I often felt hopeless and useless. I hated myself for being unable to change; for being unable to restrict my eating and for being unable to control my cravings.
- Cravings– One biscuit, sweet or chunk of chocolate was never and will never be enough for me. In the bad old days, I’d eat some junk only to go hunting for more….lots more! And I was like a bloodhound. I could locate the stashes of sweets that my wife felt compelled to hide from me. And once those stashes were exhausted I would then eat the stuff that initially I had ignored for tastier items. I was like a shark, frenzied by blood. I make no bones about using the animal references as my behaviour was that of a wild animal. Be it leptins or plain greed, I was never satisfied and once made myself sick so that I could eat more. Now, that’s what I call an eating disorder!
- My Mum’s Tears– This one is maybe cheating, as she has only recently revealed this to me. But my mum used to cry herself to sleep worrying about my weight; worrying about how her son was likely to enter an early grave and how she would have to bury him. Just knowng, that I’ve taken just one weight (pardon the pun) off my mum’s shoulders is ammunition enough to keep me rightous.
- My Own Tears– I’m not afraid to admit it. I cried. Maybe it was the increased estrogen in my moobs ( I’d like to say that I’m well shot of these too, but still got a bit to go), or the fact that I’m a sensitive guy, but I was never blind to my obesity and would regulary share a tear when I was…
- Feeling that Everyone was Laughing at Me– Some argue that obesity is becoming socially acceptable…not in my world. Everytime I struggled to get on and off the bus ( I used to stand at the front, regardless of whether there were seats); everytime I entered a clothes shop and looked in desperation for size xxxxl jeans and shirts (soon all I wore was baggy, loose fitting sweat pants and jerseys…..not ironic, just really sad); everytime my belt snapped or trousers ripped with the pressure; everytime I had to explain my job role was a “Lean Practitioner” (like Six Sigma); everytime I took off my winter jacket, only to realise that I had soaked my shirt in perspiration: everytime kids said; “Mummy, look at that fat man” and everytime I ordered a Diet Coke and two Quarterpounders I worried that people were just about to burst out laughing. And sometimes my fears were warranted, Because, laugh they did.
- Isolation– Ok, this one was partly self imposed but it was still mainly (I’m still quite shy) weight related. I didn’t go out. I didn’t attend work parties. I stopped playing badminton and football. I didn’t want to be seen in public and eventually I didn’t even attend my my parents in law’s Sunday dinner. I’m still not exactly a social butterfly, but I’m no longer housebound.
- Fatism-People are Fattist. FACT. And let’s ne honest, can we blame them? How stupid must I have been not to recognise and act on my obesity? How greedy must I have been to get so large and how lazy must have I been? Everytime I applied for a job, only to see someone less talented get selected; everytime I made a valid point in a meeting or everytime I saw somone looking at me disdainfully I felt judged on how I looked rather than who I was. Even now, it pains me to see how fat people are portrayed and treated. But, at least now, I’m not victim to it.
I could go on and might some day revisit this list (with maybe some more light hearted “things”) but this has been quite emotionally draining and as cathartic as it’s been, it’s all a bit dark. Prior to this blog my earlier writing was lighter, funnier and easier to read. Let me know what you think and in 2013 I might try to make you smile a bit more.