How Many Miles?
  • Home
  • Journey
    • Journey walking my way to fitness

      Walking My Way To Fitness

      June 1, 2025

      Journey Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Journey

      The End of the Road For How Many Miles?

      September 29, 2019

      Journey

      Can I get fit with PJG Online Personal Training?

      March 18, 2019

      Journey

      Best Laid Plans – Never Give Up and Never Give In

      September 9, 2018

  • Try-Athlete
    • All Commonwealth Games #Team14 DoMore with Strathmore Free Events Kit and Tech Reviews Radio
      Journey Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Sit Stand Desk Guide for On Your Feet Britain Day with Sit-Stand.Com

      April 26, 2018

      Free Events LetsMoveforabetterworld

      Join Me For a Free Workout with #LetsMoveForaBetterWorld

      March 25, 2018

      Health

      Win a Naipo Massage Cushion

      February 19, 2018

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Do More Child’s Play

      October 2, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Libby’s Guide to Running

      September 3, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Team14 & Team Scotland Commonwealfies

      August 17, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      People Made Glasgow 2014

      August 9, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore Paralympic Hope

      Scotland’s Paralympic Hopes in Rio 2016

      August 28, 2016

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Do More Child’s Play

      October 2, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Libby’s Guide to Running

      September 3, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Can’t Swim, Won’t Swim with Robbie Renwick

      June 26, 2014

      Free Events LetsMoveforabetterworld

      Join Me For a Free Workout with #LetsMoveForaBetterWorld

      March 25, 2018

      Free Events Never Stop Glasgow

      Get Fit For Free with NeverStopGlasgow and The North Face

      October 1, 2016

      Free Events

      Get Fit For Free in Glasgow (and Balloch).

      August 30, 2016

      Kit and Tech Reviews Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Sit Stand Desk Guide for On Your Feet Britain Day with Sit-Stand.Com

      April 26, 2018

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Win a Naipo Massage Cushion

      February 19, 2018

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Treadmill or Dreadmill: The Technogym SkillMIll Review

      January 22, 2018

      Radio

      CamGlen Radio Does Zumba in Glasgow

      August 4, 2016

      Radio

      Don’t Worry, Be Happy

      June 3, 2016

      Radio Hampden Sports Clinic

      Can I Run? My question to Hampden Sports Clinic.

      May 4, 2016

      Radio

      CamGlen Radio’s Adventure Show TryBowls

      April 7, 2016

  • Triathlon
    • All Cycling Running Swimming
      Physical Activity Swimathon 2023

      Swimathon 2023-A Big Swim for Big Swim Day

      February 24, 2023

      Swimming Swimathon

      Everything is Going Swimmingly with Swimathon

      April 3, 2022

      Physical Activity TRI in the Park

      Can’t Open Water Swim , WILL Open Water Swim with TRI in the Park

      July 4, 2018

      Cycling Mountain Bike Guide

      Take Me to the Hills- A Beginners Guide to Mountain Biking

      June 1, 2018

      Cycling Mountain Bike Guide

      Take Me to the Hills- A Beginners Guide to Mountain Biking

      June 1, 2018

      Cycling

      Bike Light Guide from Cycle Republic

      December 29, 2017

      Cycling What to Wear on Cycle to Work Day

      What to Wear on Cycle to Work Day?

      September 11, 2017

      Cycling Cycle to Work

      What you need to Cycle to Work (my 5 month “expert’ advice).

      July 13, 2017

      Running

      Treadmill or Dreadmill: The Technogym SkillMIll Review

      January 22, 2018

      Running

      I’m Back with a Glasgow Men’s 10K Review

      June 18, 2017

      Running

      The Bishopbriggs Sprint Triathlon Review

      May 8, 2017

      Running

      End Great Run Herbalife Partnership

      April 22, 2017

      Swimming Swimathon 2023

      Swimathon 2023-A Big Swim for Big Swim Day

      February 24, 2023

      Swimming Swimathon

      Everything is Going Swimmingly with Swimathon

      April 3, 2022

      Swimming TRI in the Park

      Can’t Open Water Swim , WILL Open Water Swim with TRI in the Park

      July 4, 2018

      Swimming

      Swimathon Masterclass and Interview with Keri-Anne Payne

      January 30, 2018

  • Travel
    • All Asia Australia Europe North America
      Europe Italy for Active Holidays

      The Best Destinations in Italy for Active Holidays

      August 11, 2024

      Europe Three green activities in Greece

      Three green activities in Greece to add to your sustainable itinerary

      June 16, 2024

      Asia Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      May 18, 2024

      Travel Guide to Antarctica Expeditions

      Guide to Antarctica Expeditions

      May 18, 2024

      Asia Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      May 18, 2024

      Asia Mumbai

      Mumbai- The City That Stole Our Hearts

      November 28, 2016

      Australia Noosa National Park

      Best of Queensland : A walk in Noosa National Park

      August 21, 2016

      Australia

      Best of Queensland : Glasshouse Mountains Walk

      August 14, 2016

      Australia

      Salty Dog Sea Kayaking in the Whitsundays

      July 26, 2016

      Australia Fraser Island Tour

      Fraser Island Tour with Fraser Explorer Tours

      July 18, 2016

      Europe Italy for Active Holidays

      The Best Destinations in Italy for Active Holidays

      August 11, 2024

      Europe Three green activities in Greece

      Three green activities in Greece to add to your sustainable itinerary

      June 16, 2024

      Europe fitness holidays in france

      The Best Destinations for Fitness Holidays in France

      May 18, 2024

      Europe Fitness holidays in Portugal

      The Best Destinations for Fitness Holidays In Portugal 

      May 3, 2024

      North America TWA Hotel

      TWA Hotel, NYC. A View to a Thrill

      July 27, 2023

  • FSEM Lay View
  • British Medical Journal Blog
  • Home
  • Journey
    • Journey walking my way to fitness

      Walking My Way To Fitness

      June 1, 2025

      Journey Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Journey

      The End of the Road For How Many Miles?

      September 29, 2019

      Journey

      Can I get fit with PJG Online Personal Training?

      March 18, 2019

      Journey

      Best Laid Plans – Never Give Up and Never Give In

      September 9, 2018

  • Try-Athlete
    • All Commonwealth Games #Team14 DoMore with Strathmore Free Events Kit and Tech Reviews Radio
      Journey Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Sit Stand Desk Guide for On Your Feet Britain Day with Sit-Stand.Com

      April 26, 2018

      Free Events LetsMoveforabetterworld

      Join Me For a Free Workout with #LetsMoveForaBetterWorld

      March 25, 2018

      Health

      Win a Naipo Massage Cushion

      February 19, 2018

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Do More Child’s Play

      October 2, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Libby’s Guide to Running

      September 3, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      Team14 & Team Scotland Commonwealfies

      August 17, 2014

      Commonwealth Games #Team14

      People Made Glasgow 2014

      August 9, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore Paralympic Hope

      Scotland’s Paralympic Hopes in Rio 2016

      August 28, 2016

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Do More Child’s Play

      October 2, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Libby’s Guide to Running

      September 3, 2014

      DoMore with Strathmore

      Can’t Swim, Won’t Swim with Robbie Renwick

      June 26, 2014

      Free Events LetsMoveforabetterworld

      Join Me For a Free Workout with #LetsMoveForaBetterWorld

      March 25, 2018

      Free Events Never Stop Glasgow

      Get Fit For Free with NeverStopGlasgow and The North Face

      October 1, 2016

      Free Events

      Get Fit For Free in Glasgow (and Balloch).

      August 30, 2016

      Kit and Tech Reviews Road to Success

      The Olympic Road To Success With adidas

      July 1, 2024

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Sit Stand Desk Guide for On Your Feet Britain Day with Sit-Stand.Com

      April 26, 2018

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Win a Naipo Massage Cushion

      February 19, 2018

      Kit and Tech Reviews

      Treadmill or Dreadmill: The Technogym SkillMIll Review

      January 22, 2018

      Radio

      CamGlen Radio Does Zumba in Glasgow

      August 4, 2016

      Radio

      Don’t Worry, Be Happy

      June 3, 2016

      Radio Hampden Sports Clinic

      Can I Run? My question to Hampden Sports Clinic.

      May 4, 2016

      Radio

      CamGlen Radio’s Adventure Show TryBowls

      April 7, 2016

  • Triathlon
    • All Cycling Running Swimming
      Physical Activity Swimathon 2023

      Swimathon 2023-A Big Swim for Big Swim Day

      February 24, 2023

      Swimming Swimathon

      Everything is Going Swimmingly with Swimathon

      April 3, 2022

      Physical Activity TRI in the Park

      Can’t Open Water Swim , WILL Open Water Swim with TRI in the Park

      July 4, 2018

      Cycling Mountain Bike Guide

      Take Me to the Hills- A Beginners Guide to Mountain Biking

      June 1, 2018

      Cycling Mountain Bike Guide

      Take Me to the Hills- A Beginners Guide to Mountain Biking

      June 1, 2018

      Cycling

      Bike Light Guide from Cycle Republic

      December 29, 2017

      Cycling What to Wear on Cycle to Work Day

      What to Wear on Cycle to Work Day?

      September 11, 2017

      Cycling Cycle to Work

      What you need to Cycle to Work (my 5 month “expert’ advice).

      July 13, 2017

      Running

      Treadmill or Dreadmill: The Technogym SkillMIll Review

      January 22, 2018

      Running

      I’m Back with a Glasgow Men’s 10K Review

      June 18, 2017

      Running

      The Bishopbriggs Sprint Triathlon Review

      May 8, 2017

      Running

      End Great Run Herbalife Partnership

      April 22, 2017

      Swimming Swimathon 2023

      Swimathon 2023-A Big Swim for Big Swim Day

      February 24, 2023

      Swimming Swimathon

      Everything is Going Swimmingly with Swimathon

      April 3, 2022

      Swimming TRI in the Park

      Can’t Open Water Swim , WILL Open Water Swim with TRI in the Park

      July 4, 2018

      Swimming

      Swimathon Masterclass and Interview with Keri-Anne Payne

      January 30, 2018

  • Travel
    • All Asia Australia Europe North America
      Europe Italy for Active Holidays

      The Best Destinations in Italy for Active Holidays

      August 11, 2024

      Europe Three green activities in Greece

      Three green activities in Greece to add to your sustainable itinerary

      June 16, 2024

      Asia Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      May 18, 2024

      Travel Guide to Antarctica Expeditions

      Guide to Antarctica Expeditions

      May 18, 2024

      Asia Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      Guide to Mountain Trekking in Nepal

      May 18, 2024

      Asia Mumbai

      Mumbai- The City That Stole Our Hearts

      November 28, 2016

      Australia Noosa National Park

      Best of Queensland : A walk in Noosa National Park

      August 21, 2016

      Australia

      Best of Queensland : Glasshouse Mountains Walk

      August 14, 2016

      Australia

      Salty Dog Sea Kayaking in the Whitsundays

      July 26, 2016

      Australia Fraser Island Tour

      Fraser Island Tour with Fraser Explorer Tours

      July 18, 2016

      Europe Italy for Active Holidays

      The Best Destinations in Italy for Active Holidays

      August 11, 2024

      Europe Three green activities in Greece

      Three green activities in Greece to add to your sustainable itinerary

      June 16, 2024

      Europe fitness holidays in france

      The Best Destinations for Fitness Holidays in France

      May 18, 2024

      Europe Fitness holidays in Portugal

      The Best Destinations for Fitness Holidays In Portugal 

      May 3, 2024

      North America TWA Hotel

      TWA Hotel, NYC. A View to a Thrill

      July 27, 2023

  • FSEM Lay View
  • British Medical Journal Blog

How Many Miles?

Try Athlete and Active Traveller

HealthJourneyMental HealthObesity

Time to Come Clean

written by Stephen Morrison January 29, 2015

Recently I haven’t been eating clean. I haven’t been training well. I haven’t been sleeping well and I have struggled to get out of bed, to enjoy any of the activities that normally make me smile or to even shave (currently sporting a poor excuse of a beard).

It hasn’t gone unnoticed at home, where I am more irritable, more grumpy and eating more than I should be. Even as I write this!

I’ve had a bout of sickness and a wee dose of the cold, but the truth is I recognise these symptoms. I have experienced them before. When I was morbidly obese.

Then, as now, I was suffering from depression.  There, I said it.

If you read this blog or follow my tweets or Facebook updates, you will maybe question how I can dare to say that I am depressed. I have a wonderful partner, two smashing boys, an amazing mum and the opportunity to do so many things. I even ask myself what right I have to feel depressed. But, I know I am.

On Facebook and twitter and among friends I have been trying my best to pretend that I am ok, but I’ve probably been dropping hints. I’ve slept in for PT sessions, I’ve struggled to write and complete tasks and I have been (over) reacting to too many posts on obesity by fitness professionals who are anything but professional in their opinion of the obese (but that is another blog).

Ask me what is making me depressed and I might struggle to pinpoint it. Like most people I have regrets, fears and I have stuff going on in my life that I wish wasn’t. I’ve lost friends and seem to be losing my way. As I continue to eat, I think of the Biggest Loser contestants who regained their weight and my old fear, that I too will again become obese, resurfaces. I have began to doubt myself and as my doubts increase, my eating and my weight increases. Self medication and self sabotaging.

It is a vicious cycle and one I must turn around.

I am not wanting medication and I am not wanting sympathy. Writing this and speaking to my girlfriend has been cathartic, even if some may judge me.  But it hasn’t rid me of the dark clouds that hang over me. I guess, like the Black Dog in the video below, I will never be free of them, but I can try and prevent them from clouding my judgement or from preventing me from realising my dreams.

I can find new activities to keep my try athlete life alive and I can clean out my life. I have made a clean break from some people who made me feel low and I need to focus on my goals and on the people who I value and who value me. I can stop seeing and talking about myself as fat.

More importantly, I will use the poly pill of physical activity to make me feel better about life and about myself. Exercise works and it worked for me when I was morbidly obese. Hopefully, it will work again and if needed, I will reach out to professionals.

 

 

 

 

Time to Come Clean was last modified: August 13th, 2016 by Stephen Morrison
Black DogDepressionexerciseget activeHowmanymilesPhysical ActivityStephen MorrisonTry-Athlete
7 comments
0
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
previous post
You Take The High Road, And I’ll Take The Paddle Board
next post
Reward The Journey

Some more posts that you might enjoy

World Obesity Day

World Obesity Day & the Soft Drink Industry

October 11, 2016

Win a Naipo Massage Cushion

February 19, 2018
dangerous coffee cup

What’s in Your Dangerous Coffee Cup: Convenience at What Cost?

September 15, 2024
walking my way to fitness

Walking My Way To Fitness

June 1, 2025

Using Activity Trackers to Get Scotland Walking

March 15, 2016

Tough New Rules from the Committee of Advertising Practice?

December 8, 2016
Top Tips For Coping With Your Sports Injury

Top Tips For Coping With Your Sports Injury

December 14, 2016
Avoid Winter Weight Gain

Tis the Season to Get Fit

December 1, 2022

Time to Challenge Myself

January 18, 2015
Thrive: Feel Stress Free

Thrive: Feel Stress Free Review and Offer

December 6, 2017

7 comments

Fiona Outdoors January 29, 2015 at 7:57 am

I know your emotional pain. I have also suffered with on, off black dog. The worst happened five years ago and lasted almost two years. I felt hopeless and useless and I didn’t even find that exercise helped. In the end, anti depression pills helped me to get over a few obstacles. Many people never knew what was going on behind the scenes of my seemingly amazing life. An ex even commented that my blog seemed so upbeat so how could I be depressed? But no one would want to read about Fiona Indoors crying would they? When I am feeling down I try to talk to my partner about things and have plans to look forward to and just keep focusing on the present and the good about life. Things will ease (most likely as winter goes). Take care and never feel ashamed to say how low you are feeling. So many people suffer the black dog.

Reply
Stephen Morrison January 29, 2015 at 11:18 am

Thank you for sharing Fiona. It is true. We have active and exciting lives and think that people won’t understand that they aren’t perfect and that we have our troubles too. I’m so glad you got through it and it means a lot for you to be open about it here. Plans always help and so does talking. keeping the mind focused and keeping family and friends close. I know this will pass, but it’s been a while since the Black Dog visited me. I thought he had gone. He was just bidding his time.

Reply
Tracey Pickford February 11, 2015 at 9:21 pm

I have no one to talk although I have a loving husband he just doesn’t get it re the black dog… He thinks we have a great life but things out of my control and absent loved ones make us go back to the comforts we relied upon before our new life as a slim person… I still see myself as an obese person

Reply
Stephen Morrison April 15, 2015 at 10:21 pm

Tracey, I think we will always see the fat person in us and I read that depression is common in those who lose weight. And yes, our lives may now look great, especially on social media, but I know that I am still haunted by my past and sometimes held back by my fear about the future, but we are winners Tracey and we are not alone.

Reply
Tracey Pickford February 11, 2015 at 9:17 pm

That helps so much to realise I’m not alone I so thought i was alone…

Reply
Angeline April 14, 2015 at 11:21 am

Empathy, yes. Should feel, no. You have every right to feel how you do and what you have is no indication of what happens and how we can some times feel. Look at Robin Williams for example. What you do have, is strength! It will get you through this an it is that amazing strength that got you to where you are today. It’s the strength that keeps others going on their own journies and it’s the strength that people admire about you.

Now, this may mean nothing from a virtual stranger who was lucky enough to be in your company once.. I’d rather have listened to you talk than that commonwealth swimmer! Your story , passion, strength, etc was far more deserving of our time!

You won’t feel it now but you will overcome this and by writing and reaching out, you’re already on your journey:) take care, my friend.

Reply
Stephen Morrison April 15, 2015 at 10:06 pm

Thank you for such lovely and kind words. I was in a dark place and if honest, I am not sure if Icm completely out of it, but I am surrounded by people who love me and people that I love and that’s all we often need. It’s good to reconnect. Stay in touch daftmamma

Reply

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Once 354lbs, I now use physical activity to add years to my life and life to my years

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google +
  • Instagram
  • Linkedin
  • Youtube
  • Email
  • Bloglovin
  • About HowManyMiles – From Morbid Obesity to Try Athlete and Active Traveller

@2016 - How Many Miles


Back To Top